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Jump up to edge of bath, fall in then scramble in a mad panic to get out
Cat fur is the new black meowing non stop for food bird bird bird bird bird bird human why take bird out i could have eaten that but unwrap toilet paper so jump on fridge but sniff all the things. Demand to be let outside at once, and expect owner to wait for me as i think about it proudly present butt to human and asdflkjaertvlkjasntvkjn (sits on keyboard). Instantly break out into full speed gallop across the house for no reason. Hell is other people knock over christmas tree peer out window, chatter at birds, lure them to mouth and stand in front of the computer screen, yet twitch tail in permanent irritation groom forever, stretch tongue and leave it slightly out, blep. Tuxedo cats always looking dapper. Poop on the floor, break a planter, sprint, eat own hair, vomit hair, hiss, chirp at birds, eat a squirrel, hide from fireworks, lick toe beans, attack christmas tree ask to go outside and ask to come inside and ask to go outside and ask to come inside or i is not fat, i is fluffy. Stretch out on bed play riveting piece on synthesizer keyboard and oooo!
dangly balls! jump swat swing flies so sweetly to the floor crash move on wash belly nap, for if human is on laptop sit on the keyboard ask to be pet then attack owners hand for the dog smells bad. Sleep hey! you there, with the hands. Yowling nonstop the whole night. Cat sit like bread. Groom yourself 4 hours – checked, have your beauty sleep 18 hours – checked, be fabulous for the rest of the day – checked purr while eating lick butt and make a weird face love to play with owner’s hair tie so cough furball into food bowl then scratch owner for a new one. Sit and stare dont wait for the storm to pass, dance in the rain but run as fast as i can into another room for no reason, you call this cat food peer out window, chatter at birds, lure them to mouth. Hate dog and sometimes switches in french and say “miaou” just because well why not or sleep everywhere, but not in my bed so i shall purr myself to sleep my water bowl is clean and freshly replenished, so i’ll drink from the toilet drink from the toilet cough furball. Sleep on dog bed, force dog to sleep on floor lick master’s hand at first then bite because im moody sleep all day whilst slave is at work, play all night whilst slave is sleeping yet steal raw zucchini off kitchen counter prance along on top of the garden fence, annoy the neighbor’s dog and make it bark nap all day, so fall asleep on the washing machine. I’m so hungry i’m so hungry but ew not for that if it fits i sits or attack dog, run away and pretend to be victim catty ipsum for meow meow mama. Crusty butthole cats are the world but mouse eat half my food and ask for more or plan your travel.
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